mood: high

Please excuse my attitude, 
sorry if I'm being rude.
But I got something to say to you,
hoping you wont loose your cool.
I wanna take you out to floss with me,
you can hit tha mall with me.
And we'll ball,
we can just BALL.

Pass me tha swisher sweet oh god I'm so high.
I feel like markers love, man, oh my.
My niggas from Tylaaa or Longview,
if ya aint wearin' Jordans
BABY THEM THA WRONG SHOES.

My crew, 
we gotta hustle for our work.





I want YOU YOU YOU
in MY life forever.
best friend, boyfriend, husband?
I don't care.. You've grown on me, and you arent goin anywhere now.

mood: frustrated music: mc chris - hijack

welll, summer is great.
some shit has been going down, but its all cool.
Rachel is on hardcore lockdown, and I probably wont be seeing her much until she turns 17 in september.
Becca got arrested, but I think everything is pretty cool with that, her charges will probably totally get dropped, hopefully.


on another note:
I finally have a crush on someone other than Sam. It feels alright but ionno.
I'm pretty sure that he doesnt know that I like him, even though we're both really flirty with eachother and we kissed a few nights ago when we were rollin, ionno. I don't want to tell him that I like him, and then him get all shady. I know that hes a shady person, but he's good to me. maybe I'm different? maybe he actually likes me but doesnt want to tell me? maybenot.

no boys can handle me anymore, I think I might be single forever.

mood: accomplished

so I went to central texas.
Sam didnt even act like I was in the same room most of the time.
I'm done with him, done with all of him.
I hope he sees this.
I wouldnt be hurt if he never talked to me again.
plus, I got this bad cough and shit from being there.
ugh.
I'm about to goto JJ's.
peace.

mood: bitchy

yesterday was so weird.
JJ was all up on me again, he wants my nuts....
I guess I've relized how quick I could just drop Sam. and he doesnt even see it.
I'm sick and tired of his bullshit.
its getting old, and I'm just tired of being disappointed with him.
it really does get old.
if you love someone, youd talk to them.
we wouldnt even have this problem if you REALLY love someone.
boshit.
I'm about to lay down then goto JJ's.
I'll be home later.

mood: content

"We wouldn't be here if it weren't for psychedelic drugs. In terms of the role of psilocybin in human evolution on the grasslands of Africa, people not on drugs were behind the curve. The fact is that, in terms of human evolution, people not on psychedelics are not fully human. They've fallen to a lower state, where they're easily programmed, boundary defined, obsessed by sexual possessiveness which is transferred into fetishism and object obsession. We don't want too many citizens asking where the power and the money really goes. Informed by psychedelics, people might stop saluting. 'Take your political party, your job, whatever, and shove it.'"
Terence McKenna

mood: nervous music: Bob Marley

JJ, Rachel, and Taylor.... this is all directed towards you.
in the past month or so we have had the funnest times of our lives.
Rachel and JJ mostly.
I'm going to miss you two, but I have to go back home.
I think this is my last week here.
I'm excited to finally be home.

mood: calm

soooo... I really don't know anything right now.
I hit salvia yesterday, nothing near what I expected.
uhmmmm apparently Sam is comming back to me, hopefully he has good ententions because I'm not dealing with that shit ever again.
JJ and Rachel were here all day yesterday... we watched like 4 movies, and I swear I didnt watch one of them because JJ never ever shuts up, I swear.
last night Oscar called me from Sams phone at 430am, I really miss being around them everyday of my life.
:[ I will be again soon though. :]
wellllll I'ma go, I'll start updating this more.
laterrrr.

mood: cheerful

I declare that I am offically crushin'.
lets see where this goes.

mood: ecstatic

today was very vague.
I liked it.
today isnt over either, its going to get even better.
peace out, everyone have fun tonight.

mood: exhausted

it's been a little while since I last wrote in here.
in fact its been a little while since I've been online at all.
soooo some coll news...
Taylor and I are going to prom.
its going to be fuckin awesome.
we've been hanging out everyday since easter... we have fun... always.
last night I took an ambian.... the last thing I remember is Taylor saying "you getting sleepy arent you?"
and then all of a sudden I'm throwing up in my driveway.
ionno, I didnt think it would do all that to me, I just thought I'd goto sleep.
Brittany hung out with us yesterday, it was pretty good.
Taylor ordered his tux, and I'm getting my dress on saturday.
we're both wearing baby blue, and we're both going to get totally throwed that night.
yeeeeehhhhhhh!
I'm about to goto sleep until Taylor gets off of work at eleven.
see yaaa.

mood: aggravated

I was having such a good day until like 5 minutes ago.
I heard my phone playing this song, and I was like "WHY IN THE FUCK IS THAT SONG PLAYING?!"
turns out someone texted me... ugh.
whatever.
I think in a little bit I'm going to go hang out with Kristin, maybe get tattooed or something cool.
ioonooo.

mood: awake

By far the best person around this place.

I didnt think that anybody could be so much like eachother.
we seriously finish eachothers sentences.
this weekend is going to be the best weekend of my life.

FUCKIN PISSED OFF.
ready for this weekend with Rachel.... yessss.
and tired of being in east texas. fuck this mother fucking place.

mood: chipper

so my parents just took me out to eat, to have a "talk" about moving back to central texas.
they're going to get me a pos car pretty much.. just so I can get to school and shit.
and they arent going to make me get a job until we move back.
they promiced that they would be moved back my august.
even though its not promiced to be may, atleast it something.
I know that I'll be back soon enough.
everything is all comming together, its nice.

happy easter.

mood: peaceful

if only i had one wish.
 i'd want to spend a million trillion lifetimes- to spend with you.
 and fall in love with you again and again and again.

mood: excited

At tyhis very moment, life is good.
it actually has been for like 3 days now, and I like it.
I'm supposed to be getting ready to goto the mall and get some new shit, and I'm getting hairdye and extentions.
I pretty much told my mom that's what was going down, and she was just like "iight".
I'm real excited about next weekend after Rachel and I talked last night.
We are going to pretty much live our dream.
hard to explain.
I'm going to go get ready now.
peace.

mood: content music: deftones - teenager

So Sam and I arent together now. We're on a "break", ionno if we really will get back together when I move back though.
whatever happens, happens. right.
Even though Sam and I arent together, and Rachel can't go out this weekend so I'm pretty much going to sit here the entire weekend I'm completly happy with myself right now.
I've been sitting here listening to deftones and Lisa Mitchell all day, and I couldnt be any happier right now.
deftones-teenager reminds me of Sam, in a really good way.
I'm not upset about us not being together anymore.
our relationship wasnt going anywhere on account of me being so far away.
it is better that we arent together right now.
its kind of made me relize, that even though I was more pissed off than ever at him a couple of times, and even though he hurt me little ol' feelings a little bit... I really love him.
If we don't get back together, thats fine. I want to, more than anything. but if its not right I can't force it.
I really just want him happy, because I'm happy wheather or not were together.
while I was dating him, I think I forgot who I was.
I started acting like a different person.
I am always happy, and I wasnt when I was without Sam for some reason.
maybe because it was too hard being so far away ionno.
wow I just rambled, and it was nice.
all in all, I'm pretty much saying...
I'm back, and sorry for being an ass for that little while.

oh and, heres that song...

I climbed your arms
then you pulled away
a new cavity moved into
my heart today
the more I scream
the more it seems
that now I'm through
now I'm through
with the new you
I drove you home then
you moved away
new cavity moved into
my heart today
the more she sings
the more it seems that
now I'm through
now I'm through
with the new you
new you
I don't really know why that reminds me of Sam, but it does, and it makes me happy. so suck it.

mood: calm

this was better, for the both of us.
no matter how much I don't want it.
no matter how much I want to fight to keep you as mine,
I know that this is the best.

mood: frustrated

SAM: You wanna take a break until you move back?
Krystal: just whatever, its not like I'm going to do anything with anybody anyways. It doesnt matter, just whatever you wanna do. 
SAM: Im asking you

this is the kind of thing that makes me want to crawl into a cave, curl up into a ball, and never come out.

mood: ecstatic

I want this car baddddd.